eventually
i have done it yet again! last night, i felt like i was bathing in chemical that burnt my skin. not fun. and that's figuratively speaking. it reminded me of a not-so-happy moment that happened sometime july of 2003. it broke me into pieces but right then and there, i picked up every piece then kept it. having someone that you really cared and loved before hurt you that bad. that's not fun, not a good sight. i thought i was over it. i was tough because i said i never needed an alone time. i went with the flow and went by my everyday life. i thought i never needed time to heal. not until 2 years later. i can't trust him no matter what he does. yeah, he loves me but.. there were too many buts already and i knew it was not going to be a happily-ever-after.
i think what i'm trying to say is - i ignore these things. i've cried over them, talked shit about it but inside, it's still bleeding. nobody's fault, it's just how i am. i hurt for you so much. maybe i am just going way overboard about the whole thing but this is how i am. i knew if i hadn't cared about you this much, i would not even move a nerve. some 3 years ago, i experienced crying in the shower while taking my bath so as to fool myself that it's not really happening. some 3 years ago, i can't sleep, and if i do, i wake up in the middle of the night just wondering. don't think i have not let go, i did - a long time ago. again, it just boils down how i don't easily forget. i think that was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. he never won me back no matter how we both tried. he tried, i tried, we both tried.
then again, this isn't how i feel about you. just on the situation. i think what scares me is that i don't know how long it will take me to get over this. not that it is against you, it will never be against you.never. again,i'm just hurting for you. i'm not even sure if you're hurting this much about it. it doesn't matter.
i will love you - come what may. i promise. and i promised that to my husband way before i even knew your name.
by the way, i watched SHREK2. i slept around 7.30 after talking for a bit to hubby. it startled me when my phone rang and it was him. i never slept while the sun was out. i sucked everything in last night. thanks to shrek - i felt better. at least theirs was a happily-ever-after.
i think what i'm trying to say is - i ignore these things. i've cried over them, talked shit about it but inside, it's still bleeding. nobody's fault, it's just how i am. i hurt for you so much. maybe i am just going way overboard about the whole thing but this is how i am. i knew if i hadn't cared about you this much, i would not even move a nerve. some 3 years ago, i experienced crying in the shower while taking my bath so as to fool myself that it's not really happening. some 3 years ago, i can't sleep, and if i do, i wake up in the middle of the night just wondering. don't think i have not let go, i did - a long time ago. again, it just boils down how i don't easily forget. i think that was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. he never won me back no matter how we both tried. he tried, i tried, we both tried.
then again, this isn't how i feel about you. just on the situation. i think what scares me is that i don't know how long it will take me to get over this. not that it is against you, it will never be against you.never. again,i'm just hurting for you. i'm not even sure if you're hurting this much about it. it doesn't matter.
i will love you - come what may. i promise. and i promised that to my husband way before i even knew your name.
by the way, i watched SHREK2. i slept around 7.30 after talking for a bit to hubby. it startled me when my phone rang and it was him. i never slept while the sun was out. i sucked everything in last night. thanks to shrek - i felt better. at least theirs was a happily-ever-after.
posted by abi @ 11:52 PM
1 Comments:
on the brighter side of things... yay for Shrek!
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