Onward and Upward

feathers

today started off i am feeling light.. as the day grew, heaviness is taking over. suddenly i am scared,and worried.

at work, an officemate had to deal with something not too encouraging, and i was the one who absorbed it. it is okay, no big deal. we are friends. then something else hit me, (in another aspect of my life) that not a lot of things and people, you can keep to yourself. it is a sad realization. it is not being selfish, this is just my heart laying down its complications. for awhile, i realized how loved, adored, cared, and protected i was. it is sad that not everything in your life happen your way. so i started asking.. is there such thing as destiny or are we just feathers letting the cold wind bring us wherever it pleases to? are we just mere people too scared to know what we want and then just allow time to define things for us? then we call it destiny when time gets tired of finding us the right spot here in this world?

a lot of things i wanted in my life, i was able to get. for a split second today, i felt all those times so far away. it saddens my heart. my bestfriend thought i forgot about her birthday. of course i did not, i sent her cards a month before her bday so that they'll get there in manila in time. i didnt want her to feel that way at all. i will never forget my bestfriend. she knows that. thank God, she made it through the operation. all is well. then i realized the times i was there for her. i know how much she misses me. i can almost cry right now. and all other things started flashing in my head. all that i am now, are because of the people who love me and cherish me. i may not know them all, but i hope somehow i was able to thank them. my life is a 23-year worth of kwento. how do we catch up?

now this is not just about my bestfriend. my consciousness tells me i was gone too soon.

sentiments in my life.. close cycles as i hear it. how do you close cycles? how do you turn your back on something you feel safe in? and when things fail, do people really let go or do they just forget how it feels? how do you console yourself?

i think the greatest thing in this context is that i know deep in my heart, i existed in some people's lives. i was a part of them too. the people i love, i loved them well.

it is a scary feeling, dont wish you'll have it.


... once in this lifetime

posted by abi @ 9:30 PM